Saturday, May 29, 2010

Kadhal Neethana?

“Chatting, chatting, chatting. Don’t you have any other better work to do?” What kind of life you are living, Liya? It seems to me that there is no life.” Sighed Nesha, my friend.
I laughed. “Be chill, I’m just doing this for fun. Basically to find friend.”
“Is it just friend? Actually boyfriend would be much appropriate. Yes, to find boyfriend.” Conversed my little heart.
I am not a person who thinks that love is life, but why I am searching for boyfriend? Simple, because I don’t have one.
School was really a second home for me. I studied in girls’ school which has a shopping complex as its neighbour. Even though a shopping complex is there but I never loiter. When school hour finishes within 20 minutes I’ll be at home. That time I never even thought about the world called chatting, but now I’m BORED! and move to chatting.

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I started to chat and manage to get a few friends, which were guys mainly and few girls. All this while I never had a guy friend but now in my MSN, Facebook and YM! contains all guys contacts.
My first friend was an Indian guy staying in Kuala Lumpur. He is a working adult. As my first experience I was quite lucky to have such a gentleman. Then followed by two (2) guys. One of them was gentleman but the other one was completely rude, arrogant and so full of himself.
Few days knowing the first guy, we exchanged phone numbers. Just sms between us. Later on we exchanged our pictures. He was not bad. He would just answered me whatever I ask.
I continued chatting, but this time my cousin sister followed me, no choice had to listen to her.
Exactly on 3rd November 2008, I was chatting with a guy using “bboy”(not real id) as his id. I just followed what my cousin sister told me to type. I was totally rude to him, although I don’t want to do so. The next day, I apologised to him, he accepted.

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Initially we became as friends. I added him to my MSN list. After chatting for few days, he asked my number, since he was nice to me I gave it to him. He wanted to call me but I stopped him by saying that I’m a very shy person. He just listens. I asked him is details, as usual. He hardly wanted to reveal about himself. Perhaps he’s afraid of me.
After few times of enquiring, he revealed his name Vidhyatharan Mudhaliyar. At first, I didn’t believe that it’s his name but he insists. He is 25, with two (2) elder sisters and two (2) younger sisters and mom, he has no dad, working as assistant chemist. When I asked his favourite, it was so…well, no words to describe it. I just think how can there be such a nice person. He has no any personal favourite(s), not even colours, he told me he doesn’t like loitering and the worst was he don’t like to watch movies unless persuade by his family. Good things about him were, he doesn’t smoke or drink.
I asked to exchange picture. At first he reluctant but then he send not one (1) but three (3) pictures of him. He’s good looking, fair with moustache and neat hair. We usually chat at night.

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One (1) afternoon, I was having my lunch. I received an mms. Again he sends me his picture. Maybe he wants to share that moment with me, I thought.
I continue to chat. Most people doubted that I’m a Muslim girl because of my name, Sahaliya Nair. Some even proposed me to be their girlfriend, weird, politely I said no. I manage to get another friend (guy), named Mughilan, 25, not highly educated, from Kuala Lumpur. He’s a good guy but a little sensitive. I added him in my MSN list, as usual. We didn’t exchange phone numbers because I didn’t thought of it.
As usual I chat with Vidhyadharan Mudhaliyar, whom I called as Tharan. I asked him a lot of questions, but in return not even a single question he asks about me.
One day, he sms me “hi papa hw r u?” I was amused. Why suddenly he called me like that? I asked him “Why u r calling me like that?”
“Because u r a girl.” He replied.
“Oh…like tat a… so u r a guy, then I shld cal u paiya…” I texted to him.
“No. U cal me mama.” He replied.
From that day onwards, whenever he sms me, he will address me as papa and I will address mama. This went endless. I asked him, “What if I lied to u about myslf?”
“So far you have been good to me. That’s enough.” He answered.
Most of the times, I pist off with him because he sometimes will not reply my sms. I would scold him but just say sorry and will try to call me.

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After seven (7) months of friendship, that day I was really out of my mind, usually I’m not. On 18th May 2009…
(SMS)
Me : Hy mama hw r u? hd ur dner? Wat u dng?
Tharan : hy me 5n
Me : Tharan, I wanted to askedu something
Tharan : Wat?
Me : Fuh! I don’t know how to ask. I’m scared.
Tharan : Just ask. Wat wil happen?
Me : Ok. What if I proposed u? What wil be ur
answer? Y/N?
Tharan : I dun noe u before.
Me : U just tel Y?N?
Tharan : I dno u b4
Me : So the answer is no
Tharan : Yes
Me : Yes?!
Tharan : No. The answer is no.
Me : Ok. Thank u.
Tharan : Why you are talking this?
Me : Hehe.. nothing. I’m writing a story so
I wanted to know
a guy’s reaction in the situation.
Tharan : U ah…hehe..
Me : Y u seems to be scared?
Tharan : No la


Than I realised, I shouldn’t have done it. It was so embarrassing. How could I behave so? Do I really love him o just infatuation or maybe because he’s good-looking, most probably.

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I sms him as usual, but there was no reply. I thought he must be busy. Next day, again I sms him still no reply. This continued for a four days. I became restless, afraid of losing him. I thought it’s must be because of that message regarding the proposal matter. I as clueless, idealess and my brain stop working. Immediately, I asked my friends pertaining this matter.
Mansi, told me that he is definitely avoiding me. “Avoiding me?” I thought. I can’t bare losing him. This can’t happen. I message him:
It seems that you’re avoiding me. If it’s because of that day, when I sms to u regarding the proposal, I already told u that I was just simply asking. Just to know what would be a guy’s reaction. Well, if u have decided to end our relationship, u should tell it right on my face. I know u dun care a damn thing about what my story is.
I received a reply from him:
Tharan : wei, wait wait y u angry, I was busy da.
Me : busy until u can’t reply my sms? How do u
expect me to be?
Tharan : y nrv cal me, hehe dun angry k.
Me : sms aso no reply will u answer my cal?
Tharna : hehe don’t angry da.
Me :Hmm… you know wat, ur hehe cools me down.
Tharan : sorry da, I busy da tat’s y nrv reply, sorry da.

I was glad that he didn’t avoid me. Now, I am no more confused, clueless or idealess. “But why? I don’t know him before. What if it wasn’t his picture? Why I care so much for the person whom I don’t know before until I mad at him?” I grumbled.
None of my family knows that I was in touch with Tharan. Before this I didn’t care of having a boyfriend. Never develop feelings for anyone. I did like a guy who is studying in same college with me but Tharan is different. Why I care so much? Why I am unable to accept when my friend told me that there are not only one (1) fish in the ocean? Why? Why? Why?
At this point of time I’m determine to go to Johor Bharu and search him after I graduate.

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Two (2) years passed. We are still on touch. In these two (2) years I didn’t fall for anyone, or maybe I didn’t get anyone. I decided to buy a hand phone with 3G function in order to make video call to him so that I can see him even though I can’t meet him. From sms we moved to video call. It was often.
A year passed, now I am graduated. I purposely applied job in Johor Bharu. A total strange state for me. I never went there in my lifetime, even for holiday. I went for the interview, don’t know whether I’ll manage to get that job. My interview was a success.
The next day, I went to his house. A girl came out, introduced myself as Tharan’s friend. She didn’t trust me yet let me in. I started to make up story in order to find the truth. I enquired her. “How is Tharan, and his family? Are you his wife?” I begin enquire.
“No, I am not, and my brother not yet married.” She answered.
After sitting for few minutes, I decided to make a move. My time wasn’t good, by the time I stepped out, Tharan stepped in. His sister immediately gets her brother and started to tell about me. I told him who I am and I got a job here.

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Today, 20 November 20XX, his birthday. I send to him a gift with a message.
Hi Tharan,
Many more happy returns of the day.
Tharan, today on your birthday, I wanted to open my heart though I know that as a girl I shall not behave like this, but I have to. Tharan I like you and I think that I’m in love with you. I didn’t say that you must love me, I just wanted to tell my feelings for you. Sorry if I have hurt you. If you accepted me, wear this shirt and come to Danga Bay tonight at 8.00 p.m. If you don’t accept me, it does ok but please be present at Danga Bay. I have arranged a dinner for you.

With love ,
Sahaliya.


I waited for him at Danga Bay sharp at 8.00 p.m. but he wasn’t there. I went back to my car waiting for him, consoling myself to wait for another fifteen (15) minutes. Still, he hasn’t arrived. I waited.
At 8.30 p.m. he arrived, and was totally hurt because he didn’t wear the shirt I presented to him. I was just thinking about going home after I saw him, but since he is here I didn’t. I got down from my car at when I saw moving to his car. “You are already here, don’t you want to attend the dinner?” I asked with a smile on lips and wounded heart.
We sat on the place I booked earlier. During the dinner he remain silent. As usual I had to make the first step.
“You look nice in this shirt.” I complemented. I didn’t ask what happen to the shirt I presented to him, I thought it’s immoral, even hough my heart grumbled, “Did he threw it?”
“Sahaliya…” he started, … I hope you won’t miatake me for no wearing the shirt you’ve presented to me…”
“No, it’s okay.” I interfere abruptly.
“Shh.. I haven’t finish. Sahaliya, all this years we have been chatting, even when we went out spending times together, I didn’t realise whether I do love you. I need sometime.” He added.
I shook my head. We headed to home after the dinner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Days passed. I was on with my daily routine. I didn’t fine the recover for my wound. We still keep in touch but very seldom. I really missed those days. I tried to forget but I failed.
Soon, my manager told me that they are transferring some of the staff to their new branch in Kuala Lumpur. I grab this opportunity to run away from Tharan and memories of him. Few weeks later, I shifted to Kuala Lumpur, I sms him to tell that I’ve shifted, that was my last message to him.
I’m just twenty-three (23), I still have time and still a lot to learn, to experience. When thinking that I too can love someone, it’s strange, but when the love is one sided it hurt more than physical wound. Well, he must be not lucky to have me, I thought.

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A year later, my colleague, Mathan, proposed me. I didn’t know what to say. “If you really love, you go and ask my parents in Ipoh.” I told him, but didn’t mean it.
On weekend I went to Ipoh as usual to visit my parents. I was shocked to see my colleague were there with his family. My mom told me that they are there to propose me. Since I’ve no reason to say no, I accepted.
Our marriage took place a year later. I told him everything about me before our wedding because I don’t want any trouble after we get married. He seems to be don’t care when he said past is past. After the wedding we went to honeymoon.

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We return to home after honeymoon. Tharan, wearing the purple colour shirt that I presented to him, which I wish to see him wearing on his birthday dinner at Danga Bay two (2) years back. and his family were sitting in the hall with my parents. I, Mathan and my parents were speechless when we knew that they are here to propose me. They let me to have words with Tharan.
“It took two (2) years for you to realise that you love me? Or you didn’t get anyone to be your wife? I questioned him full with anger.
He remains silent, just like that day in Danga Bay.
“When we keep in touch you didn’t realise whether you love me or not? Now, two (2) years without any contact you realise that you love me? I bursted out. “After this is you love anyone, don’t delay. Just how time can’t wait so do love.” I added.
Then he and his family left.
Mathan coaxed me.



THE END

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